GlitchSPANKR Preview

Can you remember the ‘good old days’ of floppy disks and clunky CD-ROMs you could collect from your favorite cereal brand? Or that Furby that would still haunt your nightmares, even after you removed the batteries x_x

Then, step into the warped, wonderfully chaotic world of GitchSPANKR, where the ’90s never died, they just… glitched out! Where movie and game posters plaster the walls, CD-ROMs lie scattered across every surface, and everything reeks of sticky fingerprints and dial-up internet vibes.

If those memories make you smile (or shudder), then buckle up, because this game is about to take you on a wild, glitchy ride down memory lane. 

Right off the flush…err… bat, The Classified X team’s promise of mini-game mayhem is exactly what we get, even if many are still lurking behind demo-locked doors. But what is here? Pure, tantalizing chaos. 

Your goal is to spank your way through glitchy environments, play bizarre mini-games, collect items like various styles of “spank sticks”, and unlock all the different endings while being heckled by a potty-mouthed toilet that can’t ever keep its lid shut.

The absolutely HILARIOUS narration is really the cherry on this hyperactive sundae. It’s sassy, unhinged, and never takes itself seriously! It really makes every moment feel like a chaotic party hosted by a drunk game console from 98’.

I can really only describe GitchSPANKR as a fever dream with heart, humor, and… a talking toilet? But I had an absolute blast playing through the demo, and I already miss Spunk more than I’d care to admit!

Is it polished? Not really…
Is it supposed to be? NOPE.

It’s insolent, messy, loud, and always unpredictable. It’s a playable love-letter to the digital chaos of the late 90’s, and I loved every single second of it! The demo is packed full of content, and obscenely replayable if you want to get all of the endings, collectibles, and spank sticks.

I can’t wait to see how far the chaos goes, how weird the mechanics and mini-games can get, and whether the developer gives us a deeper story (will my parents catch me playing Big Booty Slapper 6??), or just give us more ways to slap reality like it owes us money.

But no matter where GitchSPANKR goes for its full release, whether it leans even more into the absurd, the heartfelt, or the gloriously unhinged, I am fully on board! With its chaotic energy, slapstick meets existential humor, and a buffet of wildly inventive minigames, boredom doesn’t stand a chance.